Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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