Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
