Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
