...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
