Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
