you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
