Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
