nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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