Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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