i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
