You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
