This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
