too bad you live with your parents still
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
