how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
