I need to stop coming to work sober
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
