do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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