i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
