So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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