Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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