im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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