You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
