I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was confusing and full of hummus
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
