U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
