Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
