I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
