I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
