Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
