Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
