Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
