You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
