Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
