I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
