Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
