I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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