The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
