I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think i have two assholes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
