Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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