He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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