Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
