RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
