i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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