I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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