You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
honey bunches of taint.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
