I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
