I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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