Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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