Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
