the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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