i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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