Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Are we still banned from the library?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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